Smelling good and feeling pretty?

It is the beginning of yet another week here at college, and it seems that it all flies by sooo fast! We are in Week 2 of college, five more weeks to go and then it is the end of term again. As I look out of my bedroom window here at college, just through the haze of green curtain, there’s a glimpse of pink. An old magnolia tree is filled with so many buds that are just starting to bloom. So much prettiness just waiting to be released, until the whole tree will be covered with pink and white blossoms, that smell glorious and are very pretty. I sometimes feel a bit like this tree, the slumber time of winter, with it’s cold weather and dreary skies now giving way to some more sunshine and fun times. It’s time to put the period of hibernation aside and bring out all the summer dresses and sandals, time to paint our toenails bright colours and smell good and feel pretty. I can’t wait!

my visual diary

I'm not normally one to do these types of mass produced thingamajigs, but I'm procrastinating writing a Church History document! This one is surprisingly accurate and a lot of what I'm like - go figure! Enjoy

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white feather of cowardice, peace ...

"burying (one's) head in the sand" (like an ostrich) is said to be foolishly ignoring a situation, while hoping it will magically vanish. The ostrich does many things, but hiding its head in the sand is not one of them.

So I've been doing a bit of 'burying' for the last while now. Procrastinating even. Weeks, maybe months, I hear you thinking, well for some of my friends it's been years! So here follows the abridged version of life.

In case you've forgotten what I look like - well this is me. Yip, as you can tell, not much has changed! At the end of last year I moved from Tassie back to Sydney to start studying at Moore Theological College. While being a bit sad to leave friends behind, this has been an enormous adventure and quite an experience.

Who would've thought that full-time studying (again) could be so demanding! I've started learning Greek, which makes me feel a bit more like a geek, (as I incorrectly labelled a few of my files). It's such a different language but a bit like a puzzle, you have all the pieces and need to make them fit in order for it to make sense. Other favourite subjects include Church History and Doctrine, where else does one get to spend masses of time exploring and delving into the Word?!

I am currently working at a small church in the 'burbs called All Saints' West Lindfield, co-ordinating their children's ministry. The rest of my life seems to be consumed by college life. Living in community, on site, takes a fair bit of getting used to I've found. More energy and time than I was originally anticipating! Now that things have settled down a bit, the girls down the hall are not merely names to me anymore and with many new friends, life seems to be getting back to a normal pace again, whatever normal is.

College is a strange place, where everyone in one sense or another, knows what you are doing, with whom and when. It's been affectionately referred to as the fish bowl syndrome. It's difficult to explain but for you who are far away, this is how it is: my hours are essentially spent between only a few regular activities of eating, reading, swimming, painting, catching up with people and frequent trips to Campos. Campos is one of the best coffee shops I've been to, producing velvety smooth lattes with enough caffeine to keep anyone happy. I'm almost a bit embarrassed to say that it's one of my weekly highlights. Either that indicates the level of passive activity I've become accustomed to lately or the truly deliciousness of this coffee. I'm sure that if I were a poet, many amazing things could be written about this coffee and the place. I however am not, so when you're up visiting, we'll have to pay them a visit, to share the caffeine experience or at the very least, fuel my desire for more!

Well, this was meant to be an abridged version, so I'll keep it at that. Not else exciting happening here at the moment!

places of discovery

My name is Mel and this is my story, my journey or safari adventure. I've been thinking about my childhood recently and how wonderfully carefree and uncomplicated it all was back then. I also remember the books I read, literally devoured as a kid. Yes, I was one of those cool kids who knew the inside of the library really well, loved reading and knew the librarian on a first name basis.

My particular favourite type of book were those where you could change the direction of the plot. It was as if you were in control of where the story was going yet the plot had been decided a long time ago and even by another author. You were just a puppet in the story, so to speak, but a puppet with power and able to make changes in how it unfolded. I wonder if life is a bit like those books. The main narrative is already written by another author, yet we have some (limited) choice in how it unfolds and feel like we're in control?

But back to my story. My name is Mel, well you know that already. I now live in Sydney and have most recently made an enormous amount of changes; in moving states, and so a change in weather, in friends, in churches, in income. I've exchanged the life of power and dominion (well not really) as a teacher for that of being a student. I am studying at Moore Theological College and living in Newtown, near the centre of the city, enjoying inner-city living and studying again.

I began my career of studying on the African continent in my then hometown of Pretoria. I think it goes by a different name now, which I cannot pronounce or even attempt to write - except of course when playing Scrabble and trying to attain some brilliantly high scores with all those Q's, Z's and X's that no one seems to use in the English language.

I was indoctrinated into the uni world through studying a BA Fine Arts (Information Design) which sounds really impressive, is impossibly long to fit on any form with squares allotted for information about your past and in reality was one of the hardest but best times of my life this far.

I was all consumed by designing new communication material - fliers, advertisements, illustrations, and being creative. I wrote about the importance of design and technology in education and the influence of pervasive computing in our homes, the impact that technology and the design of the internet would have on our lives. All these seem obsolete now and superseded by anything I could have thought of back then.

I drove an enormously loud YELLOW VW Beetle, and could get away with 'interesting' wardrobe malfunctions because I was an 'fine arts student'. I developed an unhealthy desire for coffee and spent holidays careering in the African bush with friends, sometimes on organised safaris and other times just random, spur of the moment trips.

Through all the adventures of uni though, I entered another place of discovery too. It became the place where I broadened my understanding of God and in the process discovered more about myself. My understanding of him changed from something childish and naive to me becoming totally dependent on him for everything. I wish that I could say that it happened in one explosive, earth shattering moment while being chased by lions on safari or something equally spectacular. But it was more a gradual process of getting to know God through his word to us in the Bible, and this re-introduced me to his Son, Jesus.

I had met Jesus when I was quite young and selfish about my life and relationships. Since then it's still been a fairly rocky relationship. I've argued and debated with God about my identity, why I was created the way I was and where I was placed in the world. I've often thought, with my womanly brain, that I'd won an argument with him, only to be confronted by the overwhelming reality that God is all knowing, all powerful and that it all is about a (right) relationship with him. I've learnt that 'submission' to (a higher) authority is not a taboo subject or even incomprehensible but necessary and right in relating to God. The more I've given-in into reading the Bible, the more I've been discovering things about God's character. This has tempted me to know more and be more like his Son.

Strangely, this was all motivated by love. Not the sickly sweet, goopey, soppy love you see with new couples. Rather the acknowledgment of all my faults and sinfulness and still the unconditional, sincere acceptance and genuine love that flows from a merciful God. When not even wanting to face my own dreary complexion in the mirror, he stares intently, deep into the inner sanctuaries of my heart and mind, the areas I've closed off to the rest of the world and even myself. He's delved there and seen, known and acknowledged the awfulness of things hidden there and still accepted me in spite of it all. Not for anything that I could possibly ever do but for the sacrifice made by his Son on my behalf.

And one wonders how that would impact your life from then on. Many things change but equally many things stay the same until they are indeed changed. And this is where my identity stems from, knowing that I'm utterly sinful but unconditionally loved and striving to be more like the one who loves me.

At the moment I have entered into studying at theological college to gain more knowledge and understanding of this loving God. I suppose time will tell if this helps develop my relationship with him more. And I think back to what kind of student I'll be now, having had an adult job and been 'in the real' world for a while now. I don't have a bright, loud car anymore and have toned down my dress-code a bit. I know for sure that I still have a strong affinity for coffee but have become a little more snobbish and only drink the real thing now! (It's become known, much to my embarrassment, that I've tipped instant coffee down the sink at a friend's place)

But certain thoughts still plague my mind. Am I still carefree and able to throw caution to the wind? Or am I expected to have it all together and make only 'safe' choices? Would I still be 'loud' and draw attention to myself for the sake of being recognised or show-off someone else in spite of myself?

I think the journey with God, is a bit like those books, where the story has already been written. It can have different beginnings, middles and endings based on the choices we make. I think we need to take our right place in relation to God and be involved in this story too, to seek him out and to be thankful that he is all powerful and all knowing and in control of it all and praise him for it.