a little reflection

It's been a long week here in Newtown, cold and rainy with a looming church history assignment. And now it is holidays and I was wondering what to do after such a week and indeed such a term. I can’t contemplate doing any more work, although I need to catch up on some Greek, but I can’t do people either. A part of me wants to fly off somewhere (at maybe reckless speeds) on my bike or go for a run on the beach and leave everything behind. And yet a restlessness prevails. After chatting with some friends about nothing inconsequential, I decided to grab a coffee and reflect a little on some of the things that have been happening. I’ve recently just been overwhelmed with so many thoughts.

I don't want to sound too depressed, for truly I'm not, it is just the adjusting to the intenseness of college I suppose. The accumulation of many changes since last year while a continuing range of things changing this year!

I've been so aware this year of how much hurt people carry around with them. It seems overwhelming as I consider the new friendships made this year, at college and elsewhere. I wonder about the nature of relationships, how destructive we are capable of being to each other and how to move through the place when you are hurt by others. How much does one take with you when meeting new people and how does that affect your interactions?

I've been wondering how as Christians, it is possible to draw strength from relying on God in a practical way. It sounds so simple, yet so difficult to carry through. I've been very humbled lately in Doctrine class, while learning about the character of God, the nature of his power, wisdom and goodness. I don't know if writing about all this helps at all, I do take comfort in knowing that while I can only understand a little of life and the magnitude of my weakness, that God is sovereign and understands and knows all.

art and theology

I'm attempting, as part of Church History, to construct a time line of events and people that we're learning about and tying it up with the history that I already know. Having been a fine arts student and art history lecturer, that naturally would involve the history of art. Naturally I can't include all works, or artists, so these may just be some of my favourite or well known ones. But please feel free to make suggestions of things to include or about things that are already included.

I will start with this shortly, for now it's just an idea and needs a bit of time!

my visual diary

I'm not normally one to do these types of mass produced thingamajigs, but I'm procrastinating writing a Church History document! This one is surprisingly accurate and a lot of what I'm like - go figure! Enjoy

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SPlath

I've been reading a bit of Sylvia Plath's poetry, this is one I particularly like at the moment. Any thoughts on what it might be describing?

"Overnight, very
whitely, discreetly,
very quietly

our toes, our noses
take hold on the loam,
acquire the air.

Nobody sees us,
stops us, betrays us;
the small grains make room.

Soft fists insist on
heaving the needles,
the leafy bedding,

even the paving.
Our hammers, our rams,
earless and eyeless,

perfectly voiceless,
widen the crannies,
shoulder through holes. We

diet on water,
on crumbs of shadow,
bland-mannered, asking

little or nothing.
So many of us!
So many of us!

We are shelves, we are
tables, we are meek,
we are edible,

nudgers and shovers
in spite of ourselves.
Our kind multiplies:

We shall by morning
inherit the earth.
Our foot's in the door."

just another year

So what is it that makes this birthday different from the rest? One would think that such a big milestone couldn't possibly attract more attention. Well, I was reminded this week, just how big a deal it seems to be with people. I celebrated my 30th birthday this week and have never been made to feel older than this week.

Now the range of reactions were all quite amusing and some rather flattering. But you've heard them before, random references to hills and your position on them, warnings as to the impending medical doom that awaits you, or that your 30's are much better than your 20's, that women come more into their own in their thirties... Hopefully at least, maybe people will stop treating me like someone right out of uni that couldn't possibly know what she's talking about now that I've reached the momentous three-oh

According to F.Scott Fitzgerald in The Great Gatsby there's lots to look forward to: "Thirty - the promise of a decade of loneliness, a thinning list of single men to know, a thinning brief-case of enthusiasm, thinning hair." Yeah, so I guess I have taken it completely out of context and am pretty sure the thinning hair thing won't happen for me. It does require one however to reflect on things from the past decade, the good and not so good, to take courage to keep going and be excited about the future.

Some serious thoughts that have been running around in my brain:
1. what does it take to be a good, caring and loving Mom?
2. where does life go from here onwards?
3. what does God have planned for me to do and where to serve?

As I said, just some random serious thoughts. I did have a wonderful day and don't feel nearly that old. Spent the day cramming for a Greek exam, drinking coffee, eating cake and having drinks with friends. For those of you who are far away, I had a piece of cake for you too!! To celebrate with the family and close friends, we had a feast at a local Spanish restaurant - was delicious but just way too much! Will post photos shortly.

Greek ... friend or foe

in preparation for an impending mid-year Greek exam, a lot of my time lately has been devoted to studying this language. So much, in fact, that the commitment needed is starting to place strain on the experience. My relationship with Greek has been a fascinating time so far, going from barely recognising it, to getting to know it and is now getting pretty intense. Most of my waking hours are spent thinking about it, wondering what to do with it, how it works and why I don't understand it as well as I would like to.

Some days it is all just kakos (evil, bad) and not worth the effort. Others seem much better when I can actually translate bits of it! And yet there is the challenge that constantly lingers and drives me to find out more. I can only image that it is a similar thing to the chase between a man and an attractive, interesting woman. Having never been a man, I can only speculate from friends' observations. But I want to know what it is. Perhaps it's discovering how the original writers expressed their experience with the Christian gospel or unlocking different levels of meaning lost or dulled through translation. Ultimately I am spending more time reading the New Testament trying to understand who God is and how he works, and if that means battling it out in very baby steps with words that are not yet familiar, that is a very small price to pay than not knowing him at all.

I'm back

It's been a while, yes, I know! Not procrastinating I promise! Just spending some time in real time world, meeting people in person, recovering from mission, hanging out with God